It all started a long time ago, the year was 1947, I was just a young man. I was meandering about in the fields, minding my own business, having a few beers. All of a sudden, the sheep go crazy. They start running around like their butts are on fire. I'm just standing there holding my beer, trying to figure out what the

hell is going on. Out of nowhere, the clouds open up, and this god like beam comes shooting down at me. I can't see a thing. THWOOP! I'm sucked up from my roots.

Next thing I know, I'm standing in this room with all these funny looking midgets. One of them squeeks and I know who they are and where they came from. Another one squawks, and I know why they picked me up. Just that simple. No need to go on explaining anything, they just make a simple sound and I know everything they want me to know, which happens to be a bit too much information at the time, because, I had never been probed before. They did, however, assure me that I was in good hands, or tenticles, or whatever.

So, as I am wandering around the ship as it hovers there above the field, sucking up other life forms, I lean over the console to take a peak at the speedometer. Well, as I said before, I was having my self a beverage at the time of this abduction, and I was still holding said beer in my paw. So, when I lean over, my beer pours on the console, short circuiting the damn thing, causing us to plummet to the Earth. And they say they are more advanced? HA!

So we crash here in Roswell, I'm sure you've heard of it, and nearly everyone on board is dead. I am sitting by the wreckage holding this bug eyed critter in my arms, feeling that I may be responsible in some way for all of this, and waiting for the search party to come rescue me. Of course, I am very interested in knowing how things would have gone, had the ship not malfunctioned, such as it did. So, I did what every red blooded American boy, deprived of a decent education, would do... I asked the little guy about sex!

.You should have seen his eye light up! (He lost one in the crash. But, dear readers, don't you fret, I was not harmed in any way!) He rolls off of my lap, limps over to the mass of the wreckage, and dives in. He comes out in a few minutes holding this thick book in one hand, and a peice of glass in the other. He runs over and hands it to me. So I read the title, which is in English, believe it or not, I guess everyone in the Universe feels that America might someday have something to offer, or they think we are suckers. Anyway, the book is called...

So I read it, and it has everything you could ever want to know about sex and relationship s in this Universe, though it is written so small that this "piece of glass" is needed to read it. And it's all mine!

So after years of research, I have decided that it is time to pass on this knowledge to folks like you, folks who could benefit from a productive sex life.

So, click on the trailer down below, send me a question, and see if your problems are worthy enough of an answer from: